If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
