I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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