My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
