ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
