just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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