i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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