Whatcha textin bout Willis?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
