Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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