dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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