even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Randomize
