I'm really into asian looking animals
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize