Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
it was like eating out sand paper
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
