Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
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