end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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