I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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