do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
