why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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