Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
