I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
