This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
