it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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