That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
they're like a gay fantastic four
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
