my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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