so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
