Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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