I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
