That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
