Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
