After last night, I could never be a politician.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Then you guys just all showered together...?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
