So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
from now on my penis is your penis
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
