i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
