I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
