I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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