Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
We were destined to go to rehab together
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
