he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just took my morning after pill in the library
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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