Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
