my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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