He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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