"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
