I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize