Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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