I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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