I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
