I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
