i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
