I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
