Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
