i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
