How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
