Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She told me I should be a condom model.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Randomize