All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
