that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
