dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize