Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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