I will die if light touches me.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize