I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
