I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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