Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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