If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
