I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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