you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize