I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
