I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
