I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Tell her she can't have a vagina
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize